Wacky

lousy puddle

2012-03-02T14:37:00.000-05:00

See this puddle in the parking lot?

Yeah.
I had my weekly Bible study in this bar. Shut up, it's where I have Bible study, and sweet tea. So, I'm walking out with my friend John and we're heading for our cars, just minding our own business, and sure enough...

stepped right in it!
It's no bigger than my foot. And yet - in that whole parking lot - I. walked. right. into. it.
Got a soaker too.

Gah!!!

/rant

Just Say No to Comic Sans and Papyrus

2012-02-28T22:16:00.000-05:00

Can someone really hate a font?
How about two fonts?
The answer is unequivocally, yes.

If you've spent any time near churches or schools, you know the font all too well. It's part of the sad set of fonts that came with Windows 95, and later Microsoft Office 97, and were immediately over-used by "creative types". Sadly, they are both over-present in culture today and have been used for businesses, signs and brands. One could say the same for Hobo (thank you Kevin), Curlz MT, Jokerman LET, and of course Wide Latin. It's easy to simply cast blame and point at Windows 95/Office 97 as the cause of the downfall of humanity, but let me elucidate.

In the olden days, Windows 3.1 came with only a handfull of fonts:

Arial
Courier New
Symbol
Times New Roman
Wingdings

You had the sans-serif font (without the little feetsies on the letters), the system font, symbols needed for proper annotation, the serif font (with the little feetsies on the letters), and some additional images as fonts for creativity.

Now comes Windows 95 and their fonts. Win95 included the Win3.1 fonts and added just one more:

Comic Sans

Comic: reminiscent of the hand-lettering used in comic books for many years
Sans: meaning Sans-Serif - without the serif

It was built for a specific use in 1994 but wasn't ready in time. It was meant to appear in the talk-bubbles of Microsoft Bob - a precursor to Clippy, and according to the font's creator, Vincent Connare, it was never to be released for general use. (read V. Connare's notes about Comic Sans)

And then came Microsoft Office 97 Small Business Edition Service Release 2. This seemingly innocuous upgrade contained a stack of fonts including French Script, Lucinda, Matisse, Mistral and Papyrus.

Before this, desktop publishing was a mysterious beast that roamed the forests and hills and was only seen on Macs in studios with things like laser printers, paste-up boards and wax rollers. Suddenly, seemingly everywhere, signs popped up that looked like Ransom notes or a military issued Stencil. The professional design community was open to this, now that an inexpensive Windows PC with basic MS Office could replace some of their high-end Macintosh design machines. However, there was an insidious double-edged sword. Office staff could now create their own items and pass them off as "design".

What about this font says "yummy fruit basket?"

Posters, newsletters and tri-fold brochures ran rampant with 4 or even 5 fonts on a single page. (don't even get me started on the invention of Word Art) Designers lost jobs as the demand for their services waned and companies simply had the office assistants make these pieces. Then, with "Desktop Publishing" on their resumes, those one-time clerks sought jobs at billboard and sign companies and put their font libraries to use there. Instead of hiring marketing and design firms, companies hired people with no artistic training or experience to create their brands.

The font in this talk bubble is Marker Felt
and it was used to appear like comic shouting

With that history lesson in mind I take you to the reasons why one would use a particular font over another. Fonts set the mood as much as a color does. A font can convey intention, atmosphere, experience, exuberance, cynicism and joy. Choosing a font - just because it looks cool is similar to using a didgeridoo in a rock concert because it's the fashionable thing to do. Using a font that was hugely over-popular from 1995-1998 is also kind of like listening to your late 90's music and calling it "hip". It's been nearly 15 years people, time to let it go. That is, unless you're putting text in a talk-bubble, but there are many other fonts to do an even better job.

In addition to the simple over-use, Comic Sans and Papyrus communicate a very specific tone. Comic Sans looks childish, informal, and playful. Papyrus looks aged, mysterious and distressed. Yet, these fonts are used willy-nilly for the most inappropriate purposes.
Comic Sans on a grave marker?
Papyrus on a Credit Union sign?
Because they are over-used and used so poorly, the use of the fonts have come to communicate something about the person who used them. They say, "unimaginative," "unprofessional," and "irrelevant."

So, if you use either of them - it's just good for you to know that your work will be mocked, and you will be perceived as incompetent. Please, for your own sake, if for no other reason, stop using them now.

Thank you.

Another T-Shirt

2012-02-26T10:44:00.001-05:00

Sometimes I feel like I live on Social Networks. My profile on most of them reads like this:
"Tweeting from stoplights since 2006: voice actor, speaker, strategery, interwebz bible guy, displaced Bears and Cubs fan, I have a lot of t-shirts"

I spent yesterday touring Amish country in Lancaster County, PA. Towns with names like Blue Ball and Intercourse leave me nowhere to go but easy jokes, and... More T-shirts.

olden days

2012-02-16T13:58:00.001-05:00

I used to write on this blog all the time. I used to publish every week and even had a "what's wacky this week" tagline. So, what happened?

Facebook...
Twitter...
I'm posting there all the time and neglecting this, my first foray into what would become social networking.

So, let me look back at a few recent posts over there and see if they measure up.
First - an explanation of social media for the uninitiated.

Gotta pick on Canada a little bit

Squirrels just crack me up.

and it was Valentine's Day

and a short Twitter conversation

2012-01-13T07:30:00.000-05:00

This is the story of the MirthMobile.

Garth's little blue pacer showed up first in Wayne's World (1992). You may remember the guys singing along with Queen's "Bohemian Rhapsody" while driving around Aurora.

In 1993, I took delivery on this little beauty, the Eagle Summit Wagon. My friends immediately dubbed it "The MirthMobile" and I had no problem with that. I eventually got a MIRTH license plate, and registered MirthMobile.com in 1998.

In 2001, the blue PT Cruiser took the Summit's place and got just a little Mirth-ier. The little guy made it to PA when I moved in 2008.

GRUNT!
The 2006 Toyota Rav4 took over on New Years Eve 2009. This version had 4-wheel drive and an awesome sound system. One day it started making an awful noise. I got it checked out and they couldn't find anything. Then it got worse. They couldn't find the cause and suggested I drive it until it got really bad. I disagreed.

Rather than let it fail, I traded it on New Years Eve, 2011 for this mid-life crisis. A 2000 Mercedes hard-top convertible. It was really fun to drive until I realized that it really wasn't "me" - and had no back seat - AND couldn't fit my bass amp in the trunk. Back to the dealer it went.

I drove away with the exact opposite two days later. This 2008 Honda Civic Hybrid was the nerdiest of the MirthMobiles. I contemplated painting it blue until I took a road trip. My butt hurt. I'm sorry, but it did. It wasn't my back, it was my butt, and it hurt. I took it back.

And then the 2012 Nissan Juke. It's a good fit. It's fun to drive. It's mirthy. It's the end result of 4 cars in 8 days. How's that?

Rav4 12/31
Mercedes 12/31
Honda 1/2
Juke 1/6

That's how!
So how was that possible? It's Wacky.
Financially - the trades from Rav4 to Honda were even trades. I came out ahead on the Mecedes and back where I started with the Honda. Trading that up to the Juke did increase my debt, but not by much - AND - I'm getting a refund on the extended warranty so it's even less. I don't like debt, but I feel OK with this.

Finally, I'm back in a real MirthMobile. The Honda? - no. The Mercedes? - not really. Even the Rav4 was not so mirthy. The Juke... well... the name says it.
ta da.

Now... should I get the flames magnet?

Anyone want to give me the $35?

----------
Juke: Football
v. To deceive or outmaneuver (a defending opponent) by a feint; fake.
n. A feint or fake.
[Middle English jowken, to bend in a supple way.]

Worst Christmas On Record

2011-12-09T10:08:00.001-05:00

I like to make music mixes and I really do listen to them over and over.

This year I put together a new Christmas mix containing some of the worst Christmas songs ever.

Greeting: Hopes And Dreams - William Hung
Silver Bells - William Hung
SNL 2000 Christmas Song - Not Ready For Prime Time Players
Toyland - Sally Ann Howes
O Holy Night - The South Park Kids
Another Christmas Song - Stephen Colbert
Jingle Belch - Animaniacs
Dance Of The Sugar Plum Fairies - Jingle Cats
BK Christmas - Remix By Joe Davidson
Silent Night - Chewbacca
OHolyNight - Some guy with a Karaoke Machine
The 12 Days of Christmas - Space Ghost & The Council of Doom
Christmas At Ground Zero - Weird Al Yankovic
Santa Baby - Eartha Kitt
I'm A Christmas Tree - Wild Man Fischer

My challenge to you is to listen to these in order without turning it off, turning it down or screaming at your speakers in revulsion. Let me know how that goes.

Merry Christmas! And you're welcome.

Limited Time Offer - CD is no longer available

Highlighting

2011-10-11T11:48:00.000-05:00

I'm really proud of the work our team is doing and that includes version-one of the Bible Highlighter.In this version, you can add the "cite" tag to a bible verse reference like, exodus 21:5-6. And the fancy-schmancy tool turns it into this: exodus 21:5-6And... if you read that section, you'll know why I have an earring. Wacky.

Pillow Fight

2011-06-17T09:49:00.003-05:00

I got some new pillows!

I tore off the tags - risking the ire of the federal government! (of course, as the consumer - I have every right to remove the tags - so there!)

Then I left them alone for a minute and a pillow fight broke out!

It was a fierce struggle!

It wasn't clear who would win!

But finally it appears the "extra-firm" beat the "firm" to the ground.

stuff that occurs to me

2011-06-03T16:04:00.002-05:00

So maybe you've heard about the guy on twitter who wites "sh*t my dad says". My twitter feed (also facebook) is much easier to digest. Here are some from the last couple of weeks.

I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.
10 hours ago

It says yellow, but it's orange
22 hours ago

You know the old joke, "why did the chicken cross the road?" It occurred to me today that any chicken doing that is poultry in motion.
1 Jun

I think my clock is hungry, it just went back four seconds.
30 May

After my excursion yesterday, I thought, "When you've seen one shopping center, you've seen a mall." (read it aloud, you'll get it)
29 May

Late-nite shopping, I got some animal crackers. The box says "Do not eat if seal is broken." When I opened the box, sure enough
27 May

Saw on the news this AM that they are naming a section of the Denver hospital after Olympic skier Picabo Street. The Picabo ICU.
26 May

A friend of mine told me to find a woman with a tattoo. He says, that's a woman who can make a decision she'll regret later.
25 May

if anyone is looking for part-time work, I know of an opportunity selling No Soliciting signs door to door. #notarealjob
25 May

I was meditating earlier this morning. Well, you know it beats sitting around doing nothing.
24 May

I've got myself some Carefree gum, but it's not working yet. Matt 6:34
23 May

Just getting into the end-of-the-world fun, I called a psychic. She asks "who's calling?" I hung up. She should've known it was me.
22 May

a cat will blink when struck by a hammer. #justsayin
19 May (ok... that was a bit offsides)

What would you say if Jesus sneezed in front of you?
18 May

Last night I got kicked out of the office supply store. Apparently it's not OK to just stand there in the stationary aisle.
17 May

You'd think I could find buck teeth at the dollar store.
16 May

Do pyromaniacs wear blazers? Just wondering.
15 May

The big question is - do I make this stuff up? I honestly don't think I do. I have to imagine that I've heard these somewhere, but I do have a trip-hammer mind. So, I see or hear something, and one of these pops into my head. Did I make it up? Did I just remember it? I dunno.

Regardless, I feel prolific!

It's a trap

2011-06-01T09:03:00.000-05:00

Admiral Akbar just cracks me up. If you're not familiar with this squidly character from the Star Wars movies, he's got one famous line, "it's a trap!" I'm not going to link to the source of this picture, simply because not everything on the site is appropriate, but it really killed me this morning.

Labeling Everything

2011-05-25T14:06:00.000-05:00

You can look this up on Snopes to see that it's true and everything.

Clearly this is awesome. Let's all take ourselves less-seriously shall we? The big question I have now is, "How do I apply this kind of thing to the Mirthmobile?"

Thanks to my mom for sending me the ginormous e-mail forward containing the pics.

PDA

2011-04-27T13:18:00.000-05:00

Whether Public Display of Affection, or Electronic Organizer (which by the way does not abbreviate to PDA at all) it's not something I think about often. However, today someone mentioned that teenagers use PDAs. Yeah... perhaps not as hip to the mod crowd as they'd hoped.

Here's my first PDA.
Rockin' 64K of storage and weighed about a pound.

New Math

2011-04-19T14:45:00.000-05:00

Really?

Seriously.

Men Are Happier People Part 2

2011-04-18T14:48:00.000-05:00

Men Are Just Happier People - continued
Again, thanks to my friend Sue for sending this to me.

NICKNAMES
If Sheila, Candy and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Sheila, Candy and Sarah.
If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Bubba and Wildman

EATING OUT
When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in $20, even though it's only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back...
When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.

MONEY
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale.

BATHROOMS
A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel.
The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.

Men Are Happier People

2011-04-16T11:57:00.000-05:00

Thanks to my friend Sue for sending this one to me.
Men Are Just Happier People

What do you expect from such simple creatures?
Your last name stays put.
The garage is all yours.
Wedding plans take care of themselves.
Chocolate is just another snack.
You can be President.
You can never be pregnant.
You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.
You can wear NO shirt to a water park.
Car mechanics tell you the truth.
The world is your urinal.
You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this
one is just too icky.

You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
Same work, more pay.
Wrinkles add character.
Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental-$100.
People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.
New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
One mood all the time.
Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
You know stuff about tanks.
A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
You can open all your own jars.
You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.
Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.
Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
You almost never have strap problems in public.
You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes..
Everything on your face stays its original color..
The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
You only have to shave your face and neck.
You can play with toys all your life.
One wallet and one pair of shoes -- one color for all seasons.
You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look..
You can 'do' your nails with a pocket knife.
You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.
You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.

New Amex Ad Bombs

2011-04-14T09:30:00.001-05:00

From Homeland Security / Special Operations
On Wednesday, April 6, 2011, members of the Baltimore County Police Department – Hazardous Devices Team responded to a suspicious item received via the mail (USPS). The recipient partially opened the item and observed “wires” which he felt were consistent with an IED. The item was subsequently examined by bomb technicians who determined the item to be a new “American Express” advertisement.

I repeat - NOT A BOMB.

NOT A BOMB! - kinda one of those musical greeting cards... awesome.

Rebuilding

2011-03-28T20:42:00.001-05:00

Well I may or may not totally rebuild this blog and all the posts, but for now - the text is available.

Christmas Story

2009-12-10T13:40:00.002-05:00

I can't believe that Christmas is almost here!

I have a special shout-out to my friend Matt for passing this heartfelt story on to me. I'm not above posting something that's traveling around the internet and although this might not exactly fit in the format of the Wacky blog, it really got to me.

So - in the time-honored tradition of the Christmas Shoes, here is a Christmas story for 2009.
----------------

Late last week, I was rushing around trying to get some last minute shopping done. I was stressed out and not thinking very fondly of the Christmas season right then. It was dark, cold, and wet in the parking lot as I was loading my car up with gifts that I felt obligated to buy. Then I noticed that I was missing a receipt that I might need later. So mumbling under my breath, I retraced my steps to the mall entrance.

As I was searching the wet pavement for the lost receipt, I heard a quiet sobbing. The crying was coming from a poorly dressed boy of about 12 years old.

He was short and thin. He had no coat. He was just wearing a ragged flannel shirt to protect him from the cold night's chill. Oddly enough, he was holding a hundred dollar bill in his hand.

Thinking that he had gotten lost from his parents, I asked him what was wrong.

He told me his sad story:

He said that he came from a large family. He had three brothers and four sisters. His father had died when he was nine years old. His mother was poorly educated and worked two full time jobs. She made very little to support her large family. Nevertheless, she had managed to skimp and save two hundred dollars to buy her children Christmas presents.

The young boy had been dropped off by his mother, on the way to her second job. He was to use the money to buy presents for all his siblings and save just enough to take the bus home. He had not even entered the mall, when an older boy grabbed one of the hundred dollar bills and disappeared into the night.

"Why didn't you scream for help?" I asked.

The boy said, "I did."

"And nobody came to help you?" I wondered.

The boy stared at the sidewalk and sadly shook his head.

"How loudly did you scream?" I inquired.

The soft-spoken boy looked up and meekly whispered, "Help me!"

I realized that absolutely no one could have heard that poor boy cry for help. So I grabbed his other hundred and ran to my car.

wrong week

2009-10-08T13:56:00.002-05:00

Looks like I picked the wrong week.

Ever have one of those days?

Turn around

2009-10-06T15:31:00.005-05:00

Oddly enough, in the last couple of weeks I've been pointed to a couple of different quirky pieces about the old 80's hit, "Total Eclipse of the Heart" by Bonnie Tyler.

First is this flow-chart detailing the song.

Jeannie Harrell takes Total Eclipse of the Heart by Bonnie Tyler, and puts it in flowchart form.

And this literal interpretation of the music video.

This just in... Brak

It is ITLAPD again

2009-09-18T10:09:00.003-05:00

Get Your Yaar On!

Today is September 18 - or as I like to call it, International Talk Like A Pirate Day's Eve.

For the weekend, I am Piratizing the whole Mirthmobile site. Enjoy it while you can!

Special thanks to the Yahoo Developer Network for the JavaScript. This helpful little script turns seemingly innocuous phrases into a salty prattle.

Example:
Before

After

Still a Typo

2009-09-04T07:34:00.004-05:00

Is it still considered a typo when you make it out of wood and mass-produce it?

A co-worker of mine picked up some office decor and found what she thought said "Peace" followed by a decorative cross. While showing it off, she pointed out how she wanted a reminder to have peace in her life.

I suggested that she would most likely get lots of visitors to her desk and phone calls asking for computer help. (followed by a blank look)

It took a while for her to figure out that the Peace wooden cut-out instead spelled PC ACE.

I still like to call her from time to time and ask her questions about my Mac.

marker fun

2009-06-24T13:48:00.002-05:00

See how much fun you can have with a marker and a window in your cubicle?

It's lots of fun working in a creative environment.

Meanwhile, here's a list of other things you should have seen on the internet.
You Should Have Seen This

Thanks Matt!

Foreign Language Skills

2009-04-09T09:05:00.002-05:00

Things I'd like to know how to say in a foreign language, like Russian:

We're in silent attack mode!

I will be your friend. I am dangerous.

Ha! I have your lawn chair!

There are 10 cars parked here. 9 of them are not mine.

When you win, I win.

Why are there so many trucks?

This is what I call a happy day.

There is fresh milk in the refrigerator.

It's a shame I didn't buy a package of cookies.

Where is your refrigerator?

How do I help my self to your food?

Do you think your market is better than my supermarket?

I have found your item in row 14.

So you didn't buy me a pet?

This is my friend Bob. He is your friend too. Why don't you say hello. He said hi.

There are times I own more pennies than I have now.

Will you buy my grommet factory?

This is not my friend. Go find my friend.

Oh I bet you think I sound silly. Well, watch me drive your car!

Where do I find a toy store in this mountainous region?

Not-ah! My foot's bigger than your nose!

I know how to fight cavities!

Thanks to my co-worker Matt for that one.

Google Makes Life Easier

2009-04-01T13:17:00.004-05:00

I know you all need help with the technology in your lives and I thought I’d point you to some ways Google is making my life easier.
Over the years, Google has helped me with my home internet connection:

Helped me understand how their search engine rankings work:

And even provided me with refreshing beverages to help balance my electrolytes:

This year, Google has added a couple of great user-friendly tools to their labs, including:
Autopilot for email

It utilizes their new Cognitive Autoheuristic Distributed-Intelligence Entity (CADIE):

So, dig in, hook up, and plug away.

Some more of my favorite early-April releases:
2008
2007

Doritos mouse trap

2009-03-06T13:42:00.001-05:00

Still killing me.

illustrated word

2009-01-29T15:00:00.001-05:00

Sometimes, it's just embarrassing to be in marketing and the church.

But I guess you have to have something to go with
this artist...

And
this band

And
this video crew

objects in mirror

2009-01-27T10:44:00.001-05:00

objects in mirror are dumber than they appear

Objects in Mirror are Dumber than they Appear

Reminds me of a story -
These two guys get out of Truck Driving School and on their first run, they see a sign for a low bridge – 12 feet – 0 inches. They check the truck and the height is 13 feet 9 inches. They keep driving.
As they get closer to the bridge, they see another sign, “ low bridge – 12 feet – 0 inches”. They check the truck and the height is 13 feet 9 inches. They keep driving.
Finally as they get to the bridge, they stop, see the sign on the bridge, “12 feet – 0 inches”. They check the truck and the height is 13 feet 9 inches.
One driver says, “Waddaya think?”
The other says, “Well, there’s not a cop in sight, I say we go for it.”

shooting stuff

2009-01-16T08:38:00.001-05:00

shooting stuff

I've never been one for guns. I staunchly support very strict handgun control.

I honestly didn't know it could be this much fun.

My friend and co-worker Matt is getting married on Saturday, and this was event #1 of the bachelor party. We also went to dinner.

A group of guys - each renting or bringing a different firearm to the target range gives you the opportunity to try a bunch of different stuff. I have even more respect for the seriousness of weapon ownership now than I did before - having felt the recoil of a 357 Magnum, felt the easy squeeze of a 9mm and a .40 caliber. The M-16 (pictured) on the other-hand is what my friend TJ and I rented and it was easily the highlight of the shooting-fest.

Where's my NRA membership card?

And no, I did not make all of those bullet holes in the ceiling.

Elf Yourself a bit

2008-12-23T16:52:00.004-05:00

By now, you've probably seen the Elf Yourself site and maybe you've even played with it.

I decided to elf my co-workers a little bit old-school. It's easy! My cube has glass walls, and I have red and green dry-erase markers. This is Caleb, our Senior Graphic Designer.

Did you elf yourself? Are you gonna?
Post a comment with a link to your elfyness!

what is the difference?

2008-12-19T14:12:00.008-05:00

You might wonder what's the difference between Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, where I live, and Grand Haven, Michigan where my sweetie Sylvia lives. The differences are actually quite striking.

In PA, winter means rain, sleet and snow, all mixed together or at least the threat of said precipitation. That threat creates early releases from work - like today, we're all supposed to go home at 2:30. Drivers freak out, not because it's so rare, but because the winding, curving, hilly roads are almost impassible when it's dry and sunny. Drivers around here have as much chance of successfully navigating those roads as Joe Biden has of successfully navigating a press conference.

In MI, winter means snow. Snow as far as the eye can see and it never ends. Winter also lasts 6 months. Michigan drivers have to drive in straight lines and there are snow plows armed with rock salt. Also, everyone drives huge american made tanks with 4-wheel drive so they don't care about the roads any more than Hillary Clinton cares about New York state.

Yeah - so, it's 2:30, I gotta go get my PA driving license so I can drive like an idiot and have a good reason for once.

Elevator brand name

2008-11-11T08:37:00.001-05:00

Elevator brand name

I've always been fascinated with branding, names, and coming up with a good way to present something, whether it's really cool or rather mundane.

A common elevator brand name is Otis, but the elevator in my office is Schindler.

Does that make it Schindler's lift?

stuck in my head

2008-11-09T09:41:00.003-05:00

Special thanks to Sylvia for posting this video on her facebook page. I can't get it out of my head now.

For the record - it's a medley of John Williams music from a variety of movies, but uses dialog from the Star Wars movies throughout. 21 year-old Corey Vidal is an impressive talent and this is just the tip of the iceberg.

Way to go Corey!

Now to get this out of my head, I need to listen to six hours of The Girl From Ipanema. That ought to get it.

Never-ending Hallway

2008-11-05T09:07:00.005-05:00

I'm looking for a place to live in the Philadelphia area.

This hallway appears in one of the converted factory loft-type places I've toured. Notice the ramp and doorway creating a fancy optical illusion that the hall is actually longer than it is.
This would be fun.

How to Drive

2008-11-01T09:40:00.002-05:00

Today is Saturday and on Monday I'm getting in the car and driving to Pennsylvania. I'm kicking off a new job in the Philadelphia area, working for The American Bible Society as the Director of Web Communications. My GPS will get me there, but since I have a passion for the details (anal) I looked up the route on Google maps.

Along the way, there were pictures of the road through Toledo. Most of them looked just the way I remember from the many times I've driven through Toledo, gotten on 475, and even hit the Ohio Turnpike. As I continued to pull up the images along the way, I discovered a rather disconcerting image.

Doesn't this seem dangerous to you?

I feel a little more confident since the directions continue...
13. Continue on I-76 E, Partial toll road, Entering Pennsylvania. 350 mi

However, I'm a little apprehensive about arriving anywhere after driving through a retaining wall of an overpass. But according to this next image everything seems like it's going to be OK. Just drive into the light...

Until I find myself on the wrong side of the road and have to cut across a cement barrier and directly into the side of this tanker.

I'm just going to follow the GPS and take my chances.

Social Lubricant

2008-10-20T22:41:00.001-05:00

the internet

Gabe Lyons - opening keynote for the Internet Ministry Conference made this observation...

The internet is the new beer

Meaning - it takes away the inhibitions and promotes a lack of consequence for one's actions.

Since I don't drink, I guess facebook is now my vice?

Not Ashamed

2008-10-14T07:44:00.002-05:00

One of the biblical writers, Paul, wrote in his Roman letters:

I am not ashamed of the gospel, because it is the power of God for the salvation of everyone who believes: first for the Jew, then for the Gentile.
Romans 1:16 - New International Version (NIV) Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984 by International Bible Society

Paul couldn't have anticipated this "Sonseed" moment.

There are tons of embarrassing moments in Christianity. The Crusades and the Inquisition come to mind... While I didn't have anything to do with the methodical torture and killing of Jews, nor a holy war against our Muslim brothers, I do play bass in the band at church.

I would like apologize in advance for 30 years from now when someone looks back at what we do and mocks. I'm sure we'll deserve it.

- Thanks to my sweet Sister in-law Michele for passing this one along.

Tow This

2008-10-07T18:15:00.001-05:00

Tow away

Who gets to tow that? I imagine they will call the towing company next door to tow its own truck.

I live next door to a towing company and they often park their trucks right outside my windows. I've never complained, but they are loud. When these police order signs went up, I was very thankful, and the street was bare for... gosh... at least the weekend. Today, they started parking out there again.

Fire!

2008-09-22T09:39:00.001-05:00

Fire!

Jodi is awesome.
Jodi signs up for a variety of giveaways, promotions, contests and such.
Jodi wins stuff.
This time it was a dinner for up to 8 people at the Golden Corral buffet. We didn't know that it was also a sales pitch for some kind new-fangled fire safety device.

As seen in the picture, they roped in a herd of customers wanting a free meal and who were willing to sit through the presentation. Sylvia and I chose to skip the presentation and just enjoy a buffet meal on our own. We sat next to the banquet room so I could mock the presentation whenever possible.

The most wonderful time of the year

2008-09-19T14:16:00.002-05:00

September 19 is upon us again!
Talk Like a Pirate Day
It's a regular feature around here: 2007
And something I try to celebrate with a certain degree of gusto each time it comes around.

Do not confuse Talk like a Pirate Day with the Day of the Ninja. They are not the same.

Tina Fey Glasses

2008-09-14T20:54:00.002-05:00

Yeah
it was awesome.

Not political - just dang funny.

Tina fey returned to Saturday Night Live as Sarah Palin and kicked off the season opener with her old cohort Amy Poehler as Hillary Clinton. Oh... it seemed some guy named Michael Phelps hosted. Huh...

Bag O' baby

2008-09-11T08:53:00.001-05:00

Bag O' baby

My local Wallgreen's store has everything. I had to stop in for some supplies today and there on an end-cap was a display containing this: Bag O' Baby.

Not to make light of a tough situation, but man! Couldn't some people struggling with infertility get a false ray of hope from this?

Like it's some kind of kit?

Seriously, what do you do - just add water or something?

Not a parking lot

2008-09-08T16:23:00.001-05:00

Well done

This is the front of my apartment building and not some cheesy used car lot.

Can you believe that someone would just drive up on the front yard like that? Well, I guess if you have 4-wheel drive, you use it.

Nice parking job Mr. "I'm so important".

Well done.

McCain - Palin

2008-08-30T23:23:00.001-05:00

McCain - Palin

I can't be the only one who thought of this can I?

The thought of Michael Palin in the pepperpot drag getup along with John McCain has me in stitches. Sarah Palin is probably a better choice.

keep on giving

2008-08-19T15:18:00.002-05:00

ADD: the gift that keeps on giving.

Clearly this poor fellow missed the first day of marketing school where they taught people the three basics.
1) who is your customer?
2) what do you want your customer to do?
3) how do you spell "ad"?

It's math, it's medicine, it's advertising
(addvermathicinetising)

And that's just plain awesome.

100 posts

2008-08-14T11:36:00.003-05:00

It was about 18 months ago that I converted the long-standing Wacky pages into a blog. I actually started the Wacky thing of the week on a shared drive at Calvin College over 10 years ago and the wackiness continues.

For this one-hundredth post on the newer blog-version, I needed something memorable, something superior, something wacky.

I give you: Badger Badger Badger

Mushroom...
Snake...

Tanks alot

2008-08-11T09:04:00.002-05:00

According to my friend Paul...
This was taken in front of the Gardendale, Alabama , Walmart while she (the subject of the picture) was going to the Flea market.

Now I ask you...
Who sits and looks at a pair of men's briefs and says hmmmm...I can make a nice summer top from these!! On the other hand...
$6 for a three pack is a good price!

wow

I Feel Great!

2008-08-08T10:58:00.002-05:00

I don't know about you, but I feel GREAT!

Here's a guy who made up his mind to do something and by golly, he's doing it. Spirit like this is contagious and gets around the office simply by being near it.

One problem, he based his new plan on a snack-bar instead of a really good idea. This is where planning really has to come into play.

What is the one thing you do really well?

Are you ready to go, do, and be that?

Thanks to Keller for pointing me to that video!

not dead yet

2008-07-31T06:45:00.005-05:00

I've been listening to the local radio station in Grand Haven. It's small-town and full of delightful little nuggets that you just don't get at the big stations. I worked on the air for about 12 years and I fondly recall the goofy things I had to do. Some examples from my career:

weekly psychic/astrologer call-in show
remote broadcasts in the mobile studio van...
at a car dealership, from 5:30-10 AM, and the dealer didn't open until Noon
at a TCBY for an entire week
in a city park on Saturday night from 7-Midnight
at a movie theater, in a mall, from a pay-phone, on a Tuesday night
commercial for a Mexican restaurant featuring blatant racial stereotypes
horrible commercial read live on the air by a business owner

However, yesterday I heard something new. It seems that my local station includes the reading of the obituaries column as part of their news broadcast. If that weren't creepy enough, here's what I heard yesterday:

Well... there are no new obituaries to share with you today... so... we'll be back with more news after this:
(commercial) "Would your family be properly cared for if something happened to you?..."

Then I had to pull over as the rest of the life insurance commercial played.

And then that happened

2008-07-25T16:15:00.001-05:00

And then that happened

My office isn't the best place in the whole wide world right now and yesterday the ceiling started to cave in.

Seriously, right in the middle of a meeting and right on cue as Andy said something with just a tinge of despair. Andy's usually a very positive fellow, but this was priceless. We all stared at the can-light hanging from the ceiling by two slender copper threads and then just exploded in laughter.

It kinda helped.

The other day though...

Jon started making some crack about Genesis (the book, not the band) and after an awkward silence asked,

"What? We're not joking about creation?"

Luke just smirked and muttered,

"Too soon.

I nearly hemorrhaged.

Stop - The Agency Treatment

2008-07-24T14:17:00.003-05:00

Thanks to Paul for pointing me at this gem

Anyone been at a client meeting like that?

Can't start soon enough

2008-07-21T08:39:00.003-05:00

The Arena Football season is drawing to a close and that means NFL isn't far behind, and that means Fantasy Football!

I placed 5th last year - right in the middle of the pack with a group of friends. The Fightin' Amish will live to fight another day, but since I've moved to Grand Haven, I thought I should come up with some other potential team names. So - with my apologies to David Letterman (and other mis-users of the top-10 list) here are my top 10 rejected Grand Haven Football Team names:

10) Beacon
9) The Loyal Townies
8) The Retired Beachcombers
7) Hey I'm from Chicago too!
6) I just came in from GR for the weekend
5) I'm sooooo drunk
4) How do you get to the beach from here?
3) The Lousy Tourists
2) The Mighty Coast Guards (thanks Sylvia)
1) The Disappointing Musical Fountain

Rotten things part 2

2008-07-16T17:01:00.001-05:00

Things that suck

Whilst installing an upgrade for an operating system, I inadvertently closed my laptop, putting it to sleep. I honestly forgot it was going on until I was half-way home. When I tried to fire it up again the computer was pretty unhappy.

So, I tried to rescue the OS with the install CD. After about 90 minutes, I got this message in the picture:

That was not good.

So, I tried a few more things for a while and finally did a clean install and restored the data from a week-old backup. Not horrible, but not great either.

Also, the fan makes a horrible noise.

Rotten things part 1

2008-07-16T16:56:00.001-05:00

into the shredder with you

My office is not a fun place to work right now. In an attempt to get some funding together, I worked with our advancement (a goofy word for fundraising) staff and came up with a wiz-bang of a letter to a select audience.

Then things changed again.

Then we couldn't send out the letter. So, we had to shred them. Jon came up with the bright idea to feed them into the shredder en-masse. He used this funky little staple-less stapler to connect all the letters together. Then we fed them into the shredder in a big-ole paper train.

That made the office fun again for a while. I hear we might be getting ice-cream sandwiches soon.

Creative Juices

2008-06-30T08:01:00.002-05:00

Thanks to Dave and Kevin for passing this one on to me.

Get your creative juices flowing?

ANGRIEST POODLE IN THE WORLD

2008-06-24T18:26:00.001-05:00

ANGRIEST POODLE IN THE WORLD

Along with last week's bucket full of puppies the little pet store in the Pueblos de Dominicana had this charming little critter.

While it seems to be indeed the angriest poodle in the world, it was in fact a very sweet little dog having a bad hair day.

Bucket full of puppies

2008-06-20T17:47:00.001-05:00

Bucket full of puppies

While traveling to South America I went to the Pueblos de Dominicana in Santiago, Chile.

They have everything.

Wood carvers, jewelry stores, t-shirt shops, and a ton of local craft-type shops.

They also have a pet shop. The pet shop had a bucket full of puppies.

Also - now I have a story that starts, "So I was on this plane full of Argentinian Super Models." The story doesn't really get any better than that, but it sure starts great.

Technology Impaired

2008-06-12T17:16:00.006-05:00

Apparently I'm technology impaired. It took me a an hour to figure this one out. The bellboy in my hotel (Montevideo, Uruguay) didn't give me the heads up. That's fine, I'm usually a pretty smart guy. Not today.

The light switches in the hotel don't work!

What's this salad?

ohhhh.... you put your room key in here and then all the light switches work. Nice.

Yeah, I totally want that for my apartment now. That's just too brilliant! It saves so much energy that the US will clearly never adopt such a thing.

Phone cards on a leash

2008-06-10T21:33:00.002-05:00

Phone cards on a leash

I spent 10 hours in the Miami Airport today on my way to Montevideo, Uruguay to speak. I'm excited about the trip, but not the 5 hours on this side of security, and then 5 hours on the other side. Fortunately, I was able to work from a lounge next to the luggage shrink-wrapper.

Am I naive to think that I don't need my luggage ensconced in blue glad-wrap to survive the trip? These guys do a bustling business, so I must be crazy.

Meanwhile - there are international phone card machines everywhere. This guy lead his along by a leash. We definitely don't want that phone card machine out running amok!

Curses to the Miami Airport for removing the stamp machines so I couldn't mail cards and letters. They did leave the mail boxes out though. Really? Yes, apparently 9/11 created a state of fear, not about what people might put into letter boxes, but that they might do legitimate mailing.

I blame the Amish - who, by the way, were in the Miami Airport in droves. How does that work?

Boxing Cat

2008-06-06T12:22:00.002-05:00

From the YouTube member's description:
This is what my cat does every time we watch boxing...

Thanks to Tara, who sent it to Sylvia, who sent it to me.

Historical Tour

2008-05-20T13:12:00.004-05:00

I normally don't link to or display content from The Onion because, while it's usually hilarious (read: wacky), it's also off-color enough that I don't feel right about including it.

This time I've got a good one thanks to my friend Paul.

Historic Blockbuster Store Offers Glimpse Of How Movies Were Rented In The Past MirthMobile does not endorse the advertising messages associated with the video.

Paul was kind enough to pass this article on to me - containing the video. I really recommend the article as well.

Mother Goose Rocks

2008-05-13T10:07:00.004-05:00

As disturbing as Mother's Day was, Mother Goose Rocks takes it up a notch.

Head & Shoulders, Knees & Toes by Mono with ME2

Good luck getting that out of your head.

Thanks Paul

Happy Mother's Day

2008-05-11T00:01:00.001-05:00

My Mom sent this to me back in January. Turn your volume down before playing it. It's kinda loud.

Like the good son I am, I'm posting it for Mother's Day.

Dog tricks

2008-05-08T10:46:00.004-05:00

My mom sent me a link to this dog tricks site.

Go visit and try some typical dog commands:
Speak
Rollover
Play dead
Jump
Fetch
and be sure to try - Kiss

Thanks Mom!

Volunteering Week

2008-04-29T14:33:00.004-05:00

It's National Volunteering Week.
Seriously - it's a real thing. One of the organizations I work with runs a Christian Volunteering site called (surprisingly enough) ChristianVolunteering.org. We decided to make a video.

Visit ChristianVolunteering.org for more.

During the shooting and editing, the following expression popped up and I think I'll use it for my next Christmas Card.

Human Snake

2008-04-25T13:17:00.003-05:00

Thanks to the fun people at Get out and play .com we have this video of a human snake.

GO!

Expelled

2008-04-22T20:02:00.003-05:00

I'm not a movie reviewer by trade, but I do go to a bunch of movies and I eat popcorn.

Tonight I went to see "Expelled", a documentary about the oppression of even the words "intelligent design" if used in academia, the press, or politics. It's a run-n-gun shoot showing Ben Stein interviewing leading scientists, thinkers and writers who have been fired, labeled, branded, and ostracized for mentioning intelligent design, along with dyed-in-the-wool Darwinist authors, teachers, and philosophers.
Big picture - Ben comes through the heavy Nazi, Communist, Berlin Wall, and Eugenics metaphors genuinely asking for open, free, debate on the topic of intelligent design as a way that Evolution (change over time) began.
My favorite detail - The Darwinists all agree, as did Darwin that life began with a single cell. There's disagreement on where the cell came from. One scientist postulated that the cells piggy-backed on crystals. Another agreed that one way the cell got here was through seeding by another intelligent race of aliens. Clearly, he believed in the possibility of intelligent design, but not the possibility of a Judeo-Christian designer. Aliens "Yes", God "No" - everyone got that? Yikes!

Transitive Pictograph Verbalizations

2008-04-18T12:57:00.000-05:00

Oh you transitive pictograph verbalizations, how do we Y thee.
Thanks to TorsoPants for the tee shirt.

Narcoleptic Cat

2008-04-09T14:58:00.003-05:00

Everyone, meet Boone.
Boone, this is everyone.

Boone is a narcoleptic cat.

Don't believe me? - click on the picture of Boone to watch him pass out. It's hilarious.

Meanwhile, Boone has a day job.
Boone works at Kitty Wigs (dot com)

Seriously - kitty wigs.
Is that really necessary?

Garfield Minus Garfield

2008-04-03T21:10:00.003-05:00

This is Garfield genius!
What's better than a random Garfield comic strip?
Why a Garfield comic strip without the Garfield.

Meet Garfield minus Garfield.

Thanks Tol!

A Monkey Washing A Cat

2008-04-02T12:18:00.002-05:00

Yep... a monkey washing a cat.

Happy Fish Day

2008-03-31T18:09:00.005-05:00

The French call April 1, Poisson d'Avril - or literally translated "The Fish of April". Traditionally, school children tape a picture of a fish onto the back of a schoolmate who then cries out "Poisson d'Avril!" when they discover they've been, as Ashton says, "Punked."

Here on the Wacky page, April 1 is a bit like Christmas. I look forward to the variety of hoaxes perpetrated by some great pranksters out there. Last year's Google hoax was particularly fun.

This year, I had the fun of setting up a little something that goes live on April 1.

I'm supervising a weekly blog for the community I manage as part of my work and we blog every Tuesday. This week, Tuesday happens to be April 1, so I couldn't resist. The posts are usually about what's happening in the community, with our members, or internet ministry in general. Over the last few months we've been phasing out one site: Gospelcom.net in favor of Gospel.com and next month we're taking the old site down entirely and pointing it to the new one. The new site has been incredibly successful so far. How successful?

Here's the gist of the blog...
Since Gospel.com has been so successful Google might buy us out. The Gospel.com brand name is so valuable that we're going to offer some services with the Gospel.com identity; services like Gospel.com email - or Gmail for short. We've even launched a new website showing the merger of Gospel.com and Google - Googspel. Of course that prospect is ludicrous and Google has no interest in the Gospel, let alone Gospel.com. I realize that for most people it's not all that funny, but to us it's hilarious.

The thing about trying to reach people for Jesus is that sometimes people see it as just a big April Fools Day joke. The rug's been pulled out from under them so many times that they can't trust people. When someone says that they love me, I tend to shy away. And if they tell me that they are going to love me, that makes me even more nervous.

But here's what I've learned. People fail. People fail all the time. I fail ALL THE TIME. I fail my friends, my family, my employer, the ministries for which I'm responsible. I mess up ALL THE TIME. It took me the better part of my life to figure out that God doesn't mess up, doesn't let me down, and doesn't fail. God is exactly who he says he is.

Our own histories and experience with people have skewed our perception of who God is, but when you really read what he says about himself, it's a very different picture than what we've thought for so long. Our culture has been throwing us a red herring for years about God. It's time that we pull that fish off of our backs and yell, "Poisson d'Avril!" one last time, and go see who Jesus really is.

No fooling!

Happy Fish Day!

Are you paying attention?

2008-03-21T07:42:00.004-05:00

Test your visual acuity with this simple video test:

Today is Good Friday - it's a day that we post-modern, millennial, post-literate Christians tend to overlook when we're not looking for it. We tend to miss the miracle that's just around the corner. If it's never been explained to you before, I'm going to take a really quick crack at this.

Jesus, who lived not just a good life, but a perfect life, died. He died in the most horrible way that the most brutal culture ever to walk the planet could imagine. Then, after he was buried for a couple of days, he got up and walked out of his tomb. No one ever did that before, and no one has done it since. Afterwards he ate and drank with his friends, thousands of people witnessed him walking around living and breathing. He's still alive right now. The best and worst part of this for me was that he did it on purpose. He knew that because of the rules of the universe, someone had to put things right between us (me) and God. The only way to do that was through a sacrifice like this. His act of selfless love tore down the wall between me (us) and God and now we can live directly with him in our lives, without fear. Today is Friday when we remember his death, his sacrifice, and the huge pileup of everything we've ever done against each other, ourselves, and against God. On Sunday, we'll remember that in one moment everything changed.

It's Friday, but Sunday is coming.

Let me know if you want to know more: brianatkinson [at] mirthmobile [dot] com

Does it really?

2008-03-19T17:43:00.001-05:00

Does it really?

I used to drive by this sign all the time and it made me laugh.

Seriously? It Works?
What works? I imagine their sales pitch going something like this...

"Hi, this is Brian from It Works Marketing. I was wondering if you had any marketing needs that It Works Marketing could take care of today."

"No, we don't have any graphic designers."
"No, we don't have any one who has any marketing training or anything."
"No, we don't actually have any experience."
"What do we do? Well, we recently bought a box of sticky letters that we could use to put on a sign out in front of your place."

"No... we don't have any Goo-Gone to help wipe off the adhesive from the previous sign."

Yeah - something like that.

Fred and Sharon

2008-03-18T08:59:00.002-05:00

Holy Crap!

Yep... holy crap!

That's all I've got to say about this one.
Thanks Steve.

OK - I've got more.
If you go to Fred and Sharon's website you can view that video and if you're feeling particularly masochistic, you can pay $1 Canadian to see more. Anyone willing to shell out the Loonie and write a review?

Jump in - the water's fine

2008-03-12T21:53:00.002-05:00

When some people decide to follow Jesus, it's all at once and they jump right in.

(wait for the second kid)

Others have more of a process they need to go through and some have to put a toe in the water first.

When God brought His people to the land that He promised them, he said,

"When you reach the edge of the Jordan's waters, go and stand in the river."
Joshua 3

Once they did, God parted the water in the river, just like He did earlier in the big migration story - parting the Red Sea. God spent 40 years teaching a people that they needed to trust Him. When he got them where they needed to be, he asked them to take the critical step in faith.

I'm not the first person to say this - but to me it seems that if you go and read that whole story, God wants us to trust Him and not ourselves. He wants us to leave our "good sense" behind and go jump in the river (lake).

What do you think? (read the story first)

Thanks to my Mom for sending me the video.

Bear with me

2008-03-12T09:44:00.002-05:00

Some fantastic bear moments from around the internet:

1) from Jonathan: Bear Rescued on Donner Pass Bridge

2) Stephen Colbert hates bears
Flickr Group
official site

3) Bear with me a moment - from xkcd.com
Thanks to my brother Chris for getting me hooked on that one.

and just because I can't resist another Stephen Colbert moment:

Screen Cleaner

2008-03-07T15:58:00.004-05:00

So we ran out of screen cleaning wipes at my office the other day and our purchasing department got us a replacement.

Please consider donating to Gospel Communications so we can either get some real screen cleaners or feed this little guy.

Thanks to Jon for that one.

Even better when you watch it in your browser. For best cleaning be sure to maximize your window.

What's a Gygax?

2008-03-05T17:52:00.003-05:00

Maybe you heard that Gary Gygax died.
Maybe you're saying, "Brian, that's awful. Who's Gary Gygax?"
Maybe you're in the first stage of grief, denial.

I tend to move along pretty quickly.

Here are 16 jokes about Gary Gygax, the co-creator of Dungeons and Dragons, that you'd better not make. There's an internet full of nerds who will get out their vorple blade and... oh man.

1. “Quick! Someone cast Raise Dead!”
2. “Don’t worry – he’s just play-testing the Astral Plane for the next edition.”
3. “He’s gone the way of Star Frontiers.”
4. “Analysts warn of a free-fall in Mountain Dew futures.”
5. “In the next town, you meet a stranger named Barry Bygax.”
6. “Now who will lead our young people to Satan?”
7. “With his last breath, he cursed the name of Marlon Wayans.”
8. “I wonder how they’ll divide up his XP.”
9. “Pallbearers, make a Bend Bars/Lift Gates roll.”
10. "At least he didn't live to see Disney's Greyhawk On Ice."
11. “Lorraine Williams is behind this somehow, I just know it.”
12. “The worlds of adventure gaming, fantasy fandom, and van painting will never be the same.”
13. “When I heard, I cried 2d10 tears.”
14. “Is there anything in the will about electrum?”
15. “Heart condition? Wow, I always thought it’d be owlbears that got him.”
16. “Suddenly, nobody in Heaven wants to hang out with Marilyn Monroe on Friday night.”

Thanks to Woot.com for that

How's your soul

2008-03-01T07:42:00.004-05:00

Yesterday's Jesus post has me examining my soul a little more than usual. I think it started with this shot on the local news this morning:
Of course it's actually a very white orchestra. Clearly the quotes around "Symphony with Soul" indicate a title, but since I've been blogging on this "other blog" I can't help but see quotation marks a little differently.

And that got me thinking about Don Simmons.

So how's your soul?

just painful

2008-02-29T08:42:00.002-05:00

I love Jesus.
Seriously! I am a huge fan. I think that Jesus is the best thing that's ever happened to me and so many of my loved ones. If you don't know what I'm talking about and you're curious let me know: brianatkinson [at] mirthmobile.com

Anyway, since I'm such a fan of Jesus I've made it one of my missions to be an everyday marketer for Him. It's one of the reasons I run this website. It's also one of the reasons why stuff like this makes me sad, angry and cracks me up all at the same time. Is there any wonder why there has to be a blog dedicated to how bad church marketing can be?

Most Christians who are really sold-out for Jesus tend to express their passion in a variety of ways. Some sculpt, some make movies, some write books and essays. Unfortunately, some create painful art.

Since we don't have any photographs of Jesus, people try to create some kind of image that represents who Jesus is to them. I just can't get behind this creepy Kenny Loggins in a tux version. Why did you have to paint this? Why?

This one was tough to pick out from the collection. I had a choice between this boxer with the gloves off and another in the ring, but with more of a WWF style to it. Jesus is no wimp. The man was a laborer, a carpenter, or some say more like a construction worker. He probably doesn't resemble the emaciated blond guy they show in the movies. On the other-hand I don't know if portraying Jesus as a bare-chested prize-fighter really captures the essence of the savior, even if you title the painting "Undefeated".

Last but not least, the inked Jesus. What more can I say about this one? For my Roman Catholic brothers and sisters out there who place a traditional importance on the role of Mary, the Mother of Jesus, please don't be offended by the "Father" tattoo on our Lord's bicep. I'm sure there's a renaissance Madonna on the other arm.

Thanks to my friend Stever for pointing these out to me.

Cat Herding

2008-02-26T15:50:00.002-05:00

For years I've had the phrase "cat herding" in my bio but some people ask what that means.

To me, that commercial, shown first in the 2000 Super Bowl and later during the 2005 Super Bowl, does a great job explaining it. That's what I do.

tax dollars at work

2008-02-22T10:58:00.000-05:00

It's funny how some random events can lead to some unexpected answers to some burning questions.
I hardly get any mail at my new apartment in Grand Haven. I'm getting some forwarded mail from my old place, and I'm getting some mail addressed properly, but not very much. Out of 6 possible mail delivery days each week, I seem to receive mail on an average of only 2 days. Why don't I get much mail?

Now the interesting facts and random events.
A check mailed to me on or near February 1 is now officially three weeks - undelivered - late - missing - etc.
I recently renewed my passport - and yesterday got a phone call from the passport people.
And I just spoke with my United States Postal Carrier (they have titles you know - USPC) in the hallway of my building.

These are two pieces of new information gleaned from the phone hallway conversations:
1) My USPC only works three days a week and the other three days are handled by substitutes who don't normally work this route.
2) My Passport was returned to the United States Passport Administration Office as undeliverable through the United States Postal Service.

Leading me to this conclusion:
US mail might not deliver to my home in a timely manner.
My tax dollars at work?

The moral?
At least I don't have Comcast for cable and internet anymore.

haircuts

2008-02-22T08:27:00.002-05:00

I just got a new haircut - finally. Having recently moved to Grand Haven, I had to figure out where to get a haircut around here. Fortunately, surprisingly, freakishly, coifishly , mind-bogglingly, there are lots of places to get a haircut just up the street.

I'm even pretty happy with the results. Sylvia says it's her favorite so-far. So, as bizarre as 10 haircut places within easy walking distance and 100 more within 15 miles seems to me, I don't think it compares to how wacky this is:

Special thanks to The Chris for blogging that haircut.

Chumble Spuzz

2008-02-20T09:52:00.002-05:00

My friend D'Arcy sent me this blog post about learning English as a second language and using children's blocks to illustrate the language.

Everything starts out innocently enough:

And moves on to some interesting translations:

Then a little stranger:

Where's your epidiascope anyway?

After that, it just gets scary.

Moving Steve to Violence

2008-02-05T11:06:00.001-05:00

Some of you may know Steve from a previous post - the one with the giant gum ball.

Steve

My friend Steve works for Yahoo! Steve and I have known each other for about 13 years, back when he was a student and I was on staff at Calvin College. Later Steve worked for me as a student and some time later on staff before he moved to California (swimming pools, movie stars) and Silicon Valley. When Steve was a student, a few of us around the office made up a game called "move Steve to violence".

The object was to say or do something that would move the normally well balanced Mr. Steve, a mild-mannered software developer, to a state of uncontrollable rage and of course, violence. The violence expressed itself in a variety of ways, from actual physical beatings, to a hand simply raised and poised for a strike.

Over the years, Steve, in his good-natured way, has allowed me to keep this game going and with this picture posted on his flickr pages, I had to relate a story from last week.

Recently the news has been afflicted with stories of Microsoft making a play for Steve's home turf. I sent Steve, the passionate Mac user, a text message that read, "So, are you MS Steve yet?"
To which he replied, "I am permanently moved to violence."
Thanks Steve.

What moves you to violence? (Nerf-gun violence counts, don't let Steve try to tell you differently)

Worst moment ever II

2008-01-27T12:52:00.001-05:00

Poor guy - no belt

Poor guy.
Ezekiel was helping me move some stuff. However, he wasn't wearing a belt and his pants dropped to the ground. With his hands full. Sylvia and I had to stop and take a picture, with his permission of course.
Zeke is awesome.

Possibly worse than the previous worst moment ever!

Spoiler Alert

2008-01-20T17:15:00.000-05:00

There are no spoilers in this blog - I don't believe in them. I'm not stupid, I know they exist, I'm just not going to be someone who creates a spoiler. I think it's just common courtesy. A certain movie theater on the other-hand was not so courteous.

I went to see Cloverfield with Sylvia and Ezekiel.
The theater in question has started a little, what I like to call, "customer service moment" after the trailers, but before the feature. It's bad enough that I've had to adjust my arrival time to the theater such that I miss the genuine commercials, but still catch the trailers. Now they send a kid who fancies himself a thespian out to tell us how wonderful DLP technology is. Then they play the DLP trailer, and then the movie.

This time the kid came out and did not mention the millions of colors, the sparkling clarity nor even the marvelous contrast ratio provided by the DLP experience. Nay, he stepped out into the role of the film critic.

I should point out that I don't like to know too much about movies before I go to them I want to enjoy the experience and be surprised. Some movies, if you've seen the trailer, you've seen the movie. Those are annoying. I had managed to shield myself from most things about the movie before I got there. I knew from the trailer that something happened, everyone was scared, and we might see some of it through a hand-held home video camera.

So, when the kid stepped out to talk about DLP and instead started talking about the movie, he revealed certain truths about the movie that I did not know before that moment.

sigh...

I'm not going to tell you anything about it other than what I thought of the movie. Ready? If you don't want to know what I thought, don't read any more. In fact, I'm placing this image here again so that you won't go any further if you don't want to.

It
Was
AWESOME!!!
If you see one movie this month - go see that. It's got everything a great summer blockbuster needs, except the summer.
WOW!!!
Whew!
Great movie...
Yeah!

Go to the mattresses

2008-01-11T10:33:00.000-05:00

The time has come to buy a new bed. It was time to go to the mattresses.

I visited a number of furniture stores and carefully avoided a particular chain of furniture stores. Hint - the sales staff descend on shoppers like a horde of locusts, and they advertise... a lot! And the initials of the store are "Art" "Van". However, on a limited budget, I eventually walked through the doors.
I made a B-line for the mattresses and carefully avoided any eye contact that might encourage the sales-folk to pounce. I think they can smell you when you come in, or maybe they have chips installed in their heads that ping when the doors open. In any case, I wasn't going to give them the opportunity to jump me.

After about 30 seconds in the mattresses, walking past the $3500 Tempurpedics and down to the other end, Jon showed up. I put on my "polite, but just looking" face and returned his greeting. He said,

"If you have any questions, I'll be right over there,"

pointing to a kiosk across the way a bit.

I was shocked to say the least. No pitch, no fake friendliness. Where was I?

I found a mattress I wanted, the price was good, and I was ready to make a purchase. I looked up to see if Jon was around. There he was, right where he said he'd be. He hadn't come around to check on me or anything. He did just what he said he would do. Weird.

He rang up my sale including a new mattress pad, which he carried out to my car for me. Then he thanked me for my business. Weird.

I felt that I needed to say something. I thanked him for his time and told him that I really appreciated the way he gave me the space I needed to make a purchase. Jon kinda smiled and said,

"Yeah, we know what the reputation is out there, and some of us are trying to change that."

It's working.

When I started this story, you might have had a visceral reaction to the words "Art Van". You might have thought to yourself - No Way. I'm here to tell you that at least one person over there gets it and is trying to do the right thing. So, now I'm an Art Van evangelist?

I found the whole shebang to be a big metaphor for Christianity. My own experience was that I was really turned off to the hypocrites I knew. People who claimed to be Christians - all that love junk - but didn't behave consistently with their talk. Then I met just a couple of people who were trying really hard to live the way they talked and their deep desire was to see me connect with the creator of the universe.

Weird

One person's genuine faith and love made all the difference to me. There's a new book out there called unChristian. For Christians it's a wake up call that Christianity has an image problem. Young Americans see Christians kind of the way I thought about the Art Van sales staff. If you don't know what our reputation is, pick up the book and read it.

We know what the reputation is out there, and some of us are trying to change that. It's time to go to the mattresses.

Weird

my whiteboard

2008-01-08T14:10:00.000-05:00

From time to time I write something on my whiteboard that stays up there for a while.
I've usually borrowed them from somewhere.
Sometimes they are clever like this Haiku:

Haikus are easy
but sometimes they don't make sense
Refrigerator

Sometimes they are relatively profound:

If you aim at nothing, you'll hit it every time.

Sometimes they are wacky, like this one my boss said a few weeks ago:

"My mom thinks she's having some dementia. She's not, but she thinks she is."

Thanks Robby.

New Year Foreshadowing

2007-12-30T10:45:00.001-05:00

Happy New Year

I hope this isn't a sign of things to come. I went out to my car this morning - headed to church - and when I clicked my little key fob to unlock the doors, the alarm went off. At first, I thought it was because I pushed the wrong button, but then I realized that there was something wrong.
Something very wrong.
There's glass all over the place.
Someone tried to break into my car last night and was successful - with a brick. Half of the brick is sitting outside the car, and half of it is inside. In this picture you can see the dents they made in the door frame near the top when they must have been throwing that brick over and over. These would-be thieves also have bad aim.
I had my new GPS and my iPod in plain site. Yes, I'm that dumb. I'm grateful that they didn't actually take anything. Since they were successful at eventually breaking into the MirthMobile, but didn't take anything, I'm guessing that the alarm did go off and scare them away. That would also explain why the alarm sounded when I tried to unlock the car at the beginning.
Now some thankful moments...
1) Thanks to Tiffany over at Progressive. She was very nice and made the process of reporting my claim easy.
2) Thanks to Officer Brian Barry from the Kentwood Police Department for coming around and making the police report easy.
3) I'm thankful that they didn't take anything.
Now some dork moments...
1) There's snow all around the carport - meaning that indeed there are footprints in the snow leading to and leading away from my car.
2) I mocked myself for the CSI-type of thoughts I had.
3) I'm pretty sure that the foot prints are from Converse sneakers, about a men's size 9.
I shared my self mocking with Officer Brian and he also mocked me... "We can probably get some casts of these prints... naaaaahhh"

Nice...

Have yourself a creepy little Christmas

2007-12-24T17:11:00.000-05:00

I've really been thinking about a certain Christmas Carol this year - Up On The Housetop - maybe you know the one? I've pasted in the lyrics below for your reference. I'm really OK with the chorus. I mean, who wouldn't go? I'm even OK with the first two verses, they tell a lovely little story about Santa Claus. The dolly for little Nell sounds precious.
I find myself stumbling on the stocking of little Will. What's this freak get for Christmas?
- a hammer
- lots of tacks
- a whistle
- a ball
- a whip
I'm sorry, but that's just creepy. Besides potential problems with child-labor laws, I'm concerned that for his birthday this kid is also getting half a pound of C4.
Perhaps I should point out that back in the olden days when B.R. Hanby wrote this song, there was no Nintendo. Little boys had to make their own fun out of wood and string.

Up On The Housetop

Up on the housetop reindeer pause
Out jumps good old Santa Clause
Down thru the chimney with lots of toys
All for the little ones
Christmas joys.

Chorus

Ho, ho, ho!
Who wouldn't go!
Ho, ho, ho!
Who wouldn't go!
Up on the housetop
Click, click, click
Down thru the chimney with
Good Saint Nick

First comes the stocking
Of little Nell
Oh, dear Santa
Fill it well
Give her a dolly
That laughs and cries
One that will open
And shut her eyes

Repeat Chorus

Next comes the stocking
Of little Will
Oh, just see what
A glorious fill
Here is a hammer
And lots of tacks
A whistle and a ball
And a whip that cracks

Repeat Chorus

And I'm not alone. Morgan is also clearly disturbed.

Facebook wackiness

2007-12-23T16:53:00.000-05:00

So it turns out that "Brian Atkinson" is a rather popular name, and people find me on facebook and think I'm someone else with the same name. Nothing I've ever had to deal with before. Here's a recent exchange with someone named Ruben.

It should be known that when I wrote:

Wait, wait!
Is this: http://tinyurl.com/2alp3w
you?

The link went to this sandwich:

Ruben is my new best friend.

"Congratulations"

2007-12-20T09:21:00.000-05:00

I'm an occasional contributor to the "Blog" of "Unnecessary" Quotation Marks, as some of you may know.

It's not one of those grammar-police blogs, but a just-for-fun snarky comment blog about the inappropriate use of quotes and their funny and not-so-hidden meanings.

The "good news" about the "blog" is that it just cracked the top 1,000 most popular blogs on the internet. So - "congratulations" to Bethany and all the other contributors!

We're number 997!
Yeah!

Home Improvement

2007-12-19T17:12:00.000-05:00

The local and national news was all over this story today and I had to weigh in on it.

This guy named Steve Flaig just found his birth-mother. I'm overjoyed for him and I'd love to talk to him about his experience. The goofy thing of course is that when he met her, he found out that they work together at Lowes.
Seriously...
Mlive
WoodTV
MSNBC
Truemors
Is God awesome or what?

Why I'm excited about it.

A quick Christmas list

2007-12-19T14:07:00.000-05:00

Usually we make Christmas lists for things we want instead of things we've done. However, every year some people write those Christmas letters listing and describing their accomplishments for the past year. Here's my list:
1) Name change
Following my recent adoption I've done most of the name-change stuff.

2) Followed by another Comcastic moment
Changing the name on my power, gas, bank, email, phone and a ton of other stuff that you have to change when your name changes was really pretty easy. Most of them took a phone call and sometimes an email with my old and new drivers license attached and that was that. Comcast took things to a whole new level of annoying and funny. First of all I couldn't just call. I couldn't email or fax them proof of my new name. I had to go to their office. Really? Yes, I had to go to a building so that their crack customer service staff could inspect my documentation and then change the name on my account. In truth, they inspected my documents, called a supervisor who also inspected my documents and then they gave me a form. They typed in a bunch of stuff on a computer and printed a form. They handed it to me to fill out. Most of what I needed to fill out they had typed into the computer, but it didn't appear on the form. Now that's all pretty Comcastic, but did you know that they accomplished all of this Comcastic customer service from behind one-and-a-half inches of bullet-proof glass? Oh yes.
Don't make your customer service so great that they staff gets thank you Christmas fruitcakes from grateful subscribers. No, protect your customer service staff from the so-angry-that-they-might-become-violent customers.
Way to go Comcast!

3) Didn't give anyone a fruitcake

4) Taught some people about RSS

You see here my Google Reader showing my friend Chris' blog. Until just a bit ago - no RSS. Now... RSS and I can subscribe to his blog. I taught Brooke, and she taught Chris.

I think that's how the Gospel is supposed to work too. Please let me know if you want to know what I mean. brianatkinson [at] mirthmobile [dot] com

Merry Christmas.

PS - ** didn't give anyone this kind of stuff.

Christmas for me

2007-12-18T17:50:00.000-05:00

Come on you do it too!
You get yourself a little something-something for Christmas don't you? After-all, what's the spirit of giving without making sure you get just what you want.

This year I got myself some direction in life.
It's an older-model very basic GPS for my car. I set it up with the British English voice, so now I have this exotic sounding car-girlfriend. I'm driving the 16 hours to Gulfport, Mississippi this year. I think I will appreciate this gift to myself.

I also had 5000 Tivo points to use before they expired. So I used them to get another remote. My three-year-old remote is just fine. It works like a champ. But this one has flames! Seriously, how senselessly cool is that?

Looking ahead - into the mouth of despair

2007-12-17T16:17:00.000-05:00

It's that time of year again. If you haven't selected a calendar for 2008, they make great Christmas gifts.

The lovely people at despair.com have their 2008 customizable calendars available and you might already know who desperately needs one of these.

I on the other-hand need someone to purchase this t-shirt for me. Size XL.

Day of the Ninja

2007-12-05T11:09:00.000-05:00

Today is the 2007 Day of the Ninja.
It's the day when all ninjas together with non-ninjas (non-jas) gather in their normal everyday locations, in their secretive ninja attire. Don't confuse this with Talk Like A Pirate Day which involves no costumes and is all about your piratey language; especially since ninjas are silent.

Want to participate? All you have to do is pretend you are a ninja.

There's plenty to see and do today.
Check out Ask a Ninja and learn about the origins of Day of the Ninja.
Visit the official NinjaDay2007 site

If you're not prepared with a ninja costume today, learn how to make a ninja mask out of a t-shirt.

Today, the whole world is just a little deadlier.

worst moment ever

2007-11-30T15:36:00.001-05:00

worst moment ever

Maybe something like this has happened to you?
Something awful happens. You're not sure if you should tell anyone.
It's humiliating.
It's terrible.
It's hilarious.
So, after a few days, you go ahead and tell everyone you know.

Yeah...
So has something like that ever happen to you?