Pillow Fight

I got some new pillows!














I tore off the tags - risking the ire of the federal government! (of course, as the consumer - I have every right to remove the tags - so there!)








Then I left them alone for a minute and a pillow fight broke out!













It was a fierce struggle!

It wasn't clear who would win!












But finally it appears the "extra-firm" beat the "firm" to the ground.

stuff that occurs to me

So maybe you've heard about the guy on twitter who wites "sh*t my dad says". My twitter feed (also facebook) is much easier to digest. Here are some from the last couple of weeks.

I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.
10 hours ago

It says yellow, but it's orange
22 hours ago

You know the old joke, "why did the chicken cross the road?" It occurred to me today that any chicken doing that is poultry in motion.
1 Jun

I think my clock is hungry, it just went back four seconds.
30 May

After my excursion yesterday, I thought, "When you've seen one shopping center, you've seen a mall." (read it aloud, you'll get it)
29 May

Late-nite shopping, I got some animal crackers. The box says "Do not eat if seal is broken." When I opened the box, sure enough
27 May

Saw on the news this AM that they are naming a section of the Denver hospital after Olympic skier Picabo Street. The Picabo ICU.
26 May

A friend of mine told me to find a woman with a tattoo. He says, that's a woman who can make a decision she'll regret later.
25 May

if anyone is looking for part-time work, I know of an opportunity selling No Soliciting signs door to door. #notarealjob
25 May

I was meditating earlier this morning. Well, you know it beats sitting around doing nothing.
24 May

I've got myself some Carefree gum, but it's not working yet. Matt 6:34
23 May

Just getting into the end-of-the-world fun, I called a psychic. She asks "who's calling?" I hung up. She should've known it was me.
22 May

a cat will blink when struck by a hammer. #justsayin
19 May (ok... that was a bit offsides)

What would you say if Jesus sneezed in front of you?
18 May

Last night I got kicked out of the office supply store. Apparently it's not OK to just stand there in the stationary aisle.
17 May

You'd think I could find buck teeth at the dollar store.
16 May

Do pyromaniacs wear blazers? Just wondering.
15 May

The big question is - do I make this stuff up? I honestly don't think I do. I have to imagine that I've heard these somewhere, but I do have a trip-hammer mind. So, I see or hear something, and one of these pops into my head. Did I make it up? Did I just remember it? I dunno.

Regardless, I feel prolific!

It's a trap

Admiral Akbar just cracks me up. If you're not familiar with this squidly character from the Star Wars movies, he's got one famous line, "it's a trap!" I'm not going to link to the source of this picture, simply because not everything on the site is appropriate, but it really killed me this morning.

Labeling Everything

You can look this up on Snopes to see that it's true and everything.

Clearly this is awesome. Let's all take ourselves less-seriously shall we? The big question I have now is, "How do I apply this kind of thing to the Mirthmobile?"

Thanks to my mom for sending me the ginormous e-mail forward containing the pics.

PDA

Whether Public Display of Affection, or Electronic Organizer (which by the way does not abbreviate to PDA at all) it's not something I think about often. However, today someone mentioned that teenagers use PDAs. Yeah... perhaps not as hip to the mod crowd as they'd hoped.

Here's my first PDA.
Rockin' 64K of storage and weighed about a pound.

New Math

Really?

Seriously.

Men Are Happier People Part 2

Men Are Just Happier People - continued
Again, thanks to my friend Sue for sending this to me.

NICKNAMES
If Sheila, Candy and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Sheila, Candy and Sarah.
If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Bubba and Wildman

EATING OUT
When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in $20, even though it's only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back...
When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.

MONEY
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale.

BATHROOMS
A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel.
The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.

Men Are Happier People

Thanks to my friend Sue for sending this one to me.
Men Are Just Happier People

What do you expect from such simple creatures?
Your last name stays put.
The garage is all yours.
Wedding plans take care of themselves.
Chocolate is just another snack.
You can be President.
You can never be pregnant.
You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.
You can wear NO shirt to a water park.
Car mechanics tell you the truth.
The world is your urinal.
You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this
one is just too icky.


You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
Same work, more pay.
Wrinkles add character.
Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental-$100.
People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.
New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
One mood all the time.
Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
You know stuff about tanks.
A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
You can open all your own jars.
You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.
Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.
Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
You almost never have strap problems in public.
You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes..
Everything on your face stays its original color..
The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
You only have to shave your face and neck.
You can play with toys all your life.
One wallet and one pair of shoes -- one color for all seasons.
You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look..
You can 'do' your nails with a pocket knife.
You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.
You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.

New Amex Ad Bombs

From Homeland Security / Special Operations
On Wednesday, April 6, 2011, members of the Baltimore County Police Department – Hazardous Devices Team responded to a suspicious item received via the mail (USPS). The recipient partially opened the item and observed “wires” which he felt were consistent with an IED. The item was subsequently examined by bomb technicians who determined the item to be a new “American Express” advertisement.

I repeat - NOT A BOMB.

NOT A BOMB! - kinda one of those musical greeting cards... awesome.

Rebuilding

Well I may or may not totally rebuild this blog and all the posts, but for now - the text is available.

Christmas Story

I can't believe that Christmas is almost here!

I have a special shout-out to my friend Matt for passing this heartfelt story on to me. I'm not above posting something that's traveling around the internet and although this might not exactly fit in the format of the Wacky blog, it really got to me.

So - in the time-honored tradition of the Christmas Shoes, here is a Christmas story for 2009.
----------------

Late last week, I was rushing around trying to get some last minute shopping done. I was stressed out and not thinking very fondly of the Christmas season right then. It was dark, cold, and wet in the parking lot as I was loading my car up with gifts that I felt obligated to buy. Then I noticed that I was missing a receipt that I might need later. So mumbling under my breath, I retraced my steps to the mall entrance.

As I was searching the wet pavement for the lost receipt, I heard a quiet sobbing. The crying was coming from a poorly dressed boy of about 12 years old.

He was short and thin. He had no coat. He was just wearing a ragged flannel shirt to protect him from the cold night's chill. Oddly enough, he was holding a hundred dollar bill in his hand.

Thinking that he had gotten lost from his parents, I asked him what was wrong.

He told me his sad story:

He said that he came from a large family. He had three brothers and four sisters. His father had died when he was nine years old. His mother was poorly educated and worked two full time jobs. She made very little to support her large family. Nevertheless, she had managed to skimp and save two hundred dollars to buy her children Christmas presents.

The young boy had been dropped off by his mother, on the way to her second job. He was to use the money to buy presents for all his siblings and save just enough to take the bus home. He had not even entered the mall, when an older boy grabbed one of the hundred dollar bills and disappeared into the night.

"Why didn't you scream for help?" I asked.

The boy said, "I did."

"And nobody came to help you?" I wondered.

The boy stared at the sidewalk and sadly shook his head.

"How loudly did you scream?" I inquired.

The soft-spoken boy looked up and meekly whispered, "Help me!"

I realized that absolutely no one could have heard that poor boy cry for help. So I grabbed his other hundred and ran to my car.

wrong week

Looks like I picked the wrong week.

Ever have one of those days?

Turn around

Oddly enough, in the last couple of weeks I've been pointed to a couple of different quirky pieces about the old 80's hit, "Total Eclipse of the Heart" by Bonnie Tyler.

First is this flow-chart detailing the song.

Jeannie Harrell takes Total Eclipse of the Heart by Bonnie Tyler, and puts it in flowchart form.

And this literal interpretation of the music video.


This just in... Brak

It is ITLAPD again

Get Your Yaar On!


Today is September 18 - or as I like to call it, International Talk Like A Pirate Day's Eve.

For the weekend, I am Piratizing the whole Mirthmobile site. Enjoy it while you can!

Special thanks to the Yahoo Developer Network for the JavaScript. This helpful little script turns seemingly innocuous phrases into a salty prattle.

Example:
Before



After

Still a Typo

Is it still considered a typo when you make it out of wood and mass-produce it?


A co-worker of mine picked up some office decor and found what she thought said "Peace" followed by a decorative cross. While showing it off, she pointed out how she wanted a reminder to have peace in her life.

I suggested that she would most likely get lots of visitors to her desk and phone calls asking for computer help. (followed by a blank look)

It took a while for her to figure out that the Peace wooden cut-out instead spelled PC ACE.

I still like to call her from time to time and ask her questions about my Mac.

marker fun

See how much fun you can have with a marker and a window in your cubicle?

It's lots of fun working in a creative environment.

Meanwhile, here's a list of other things you should have seen on the internet.
You Should Have Seen This

Thanks Matt!

Foreign Language Skills

Things I'd like to know how to say in a foreign language, like Russian:

We're in silent attack mode!

I will be your friend. I am dangerous.

Ha! I have your lawn chair!

There are 10 cars parked here. 9 of them are not mine.

When you win, I win.

Why are there so many trucks?

This is what I call a happy day.

There is fresh milk in the refrigerator.

It's a shame I didn't buy a package of cookies.

Where is your refrigerator?

How do I help my self to your food?

Do you think your market is better than my supermarket?

I have found your item in row 14.

So you didn't buy me a pet?

This is my friend Bob. He is your friend too. Why don't you say hello. He said hi.

There are times I own more pennies than I have now.

Will you buy my grommet factory?

This is not my friend. Go find my friend.

Oh I bet you think I sound silly. Well, watch me drive your car!

Where do I find a toy store in this mountainous region?

Not-ah! My foot's bigger than your nose!

I know how to fight cavities!


Thanks to my co-worker Matt for that one.

Google Makes Life Easier

I know you all need help with the technology in your lives and I thought I’d point you to some ways Google is making my life easier.
Over the years, Google has helped me with my home internet connection:


Helped me understand how their search engine rankings work:


And even provided me with refreshing beverages to help balance my electrolytes:


This year, Google has added a couple of great user-friendly tools to their labs, including:
Autopilot for email

It utilizes their new Cognitive Autoheuristic Distributed-Intelligence Entity (CADIE):

So, dig in, hook up, and plug away.

Some more of my favorite early-April releases:
2008
2007

Doritos mouse trap

Still killing me.

illustrated word

Sometimes, it's just embarrassing to be in marketing and the church.



But I guess you have to have something to go with
this artist...

And
this band

And
this video crew