Worst Christmas On Record

I like to make music mixes and I really do listen to them over and over.

This year I put together a new Christmas mix containing some of the worst Christmas songs ever.

1. Greeting: Hopes And Dreams - William Hung
2. Silver Bells - William Hung
3. SNL 2000 Christmas Song - Not Ready For Prime Time Players
4. Toyland - Sally Ann Howes
5. O Holy Night - The South Park Kids
6. Another Christmas Song - Stephen Colbert
7. Jingle Belch - Animaniacs
8. Dance Of The Sugar Plum Fairies - Jingle Cats
9. BK Christmas - Remix By Joe Davidson
10. Silent Night - Chewbacca
11. OHolyNight - Some guy with a Karaoke Machine
12. The 12 Days of Christmas - Space Ghost & The Council of Doom
13. Christmas At Ground Zero - Weird Al Yankovic
14. Santa Baby - Eartha Kitt
15. I'm A Christmas Tree - Wild Man Fischer

My challenge to you is to listen to these in order without turning it off, turning it down or screaming at your speakers in revulsion.  Let me know how that goes.

Merry Christmas! And you're welcome.

Limited Time Offer - CD is no longer available

Highlighting

I'm really proud of the work our team is doing and that includes version-one of the Bible Highlighter. In this version, you can add the "cite" tag to a bible verse reference like, exodus 21:5-6. And the fancy-schmancy tool turns it into this: exodus 21:5-6 And... if you read that section, you'll know why I have an earring. Wacky.

Pillow Fight

I got some new pillows!














I tore off the tags - risking the ire of the federal government! (of course, as the consumer - I have every right to remove the tags - so there!)








Then I left them alone for a minute and a pillow fight broke out!













It was a fierce struggle!

It wasn't clear who would win!












But finally it appears the "extra-firm" beat the "firm" to the ground.

stuff that occurs to me

So maybe you've heard about the guy on twitter who wites "sh*t my dad says". My twitter feed (also facebook) is much easier to digest. Here are some from the last couple of weeks.

I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.
10 hours ago

It says yellow, but it's orange
22 hours ago

You know the old joke, "why did the chicken cross the road?" It occurred to me today that any chicken doing that is poultry in motion.
1 Jun

I think my clock is hungry, it just went back four seconds.
30 May

After my excursion yesterday, I thought, "When you've seen one shopping center, you've seen a mall." (read it aloud, you'll get it)
29 May

Late-nite shopping, I got some animal crackers. The box says "Do not eat if seal is broken." When I opened the box, sure enough
27 May

Saw on the news this AM that they are naming a section of the Denver hospital after Olympic skier Picabo Street. The Picabo ICU.
26 May

A friend of mine told me to find a woman with a tattoo. He says, that's a woman who can make a decision she'll regret later.
25 May

if anyone is looking for part-time work, I know of an opportunity selling No Soliciting signs door to door. #notarealjob
25 May

I was meditating earlier this morning. Well, you know it beats sitting around doing nothing.
24 May

I've got myself some Carefree gum, but it's not working yet. Matt 6:34
23 May

Just getting into the end-of-the-world fun, I called a psychic. She asks "who's calling?" I hung up. She should've known it was me.
22 May

a cat will blink when struck by a hammer. #justsayin
19 May (ok... that was a bit offsides)

What would you say if Jesus sneezed in front of you?
18 May

Last night I got kicked out of the office supply store. Apparently it's not OK to just stand there in the stationary aisle.
17 May

You'd think I could find buck teeth at the dollar store.
16 May

Do pyromaniacs wear blazers? Just wondering.
15 May

The big question is - do I make this stuff up? I honestly don't think I do. I have to imagine that I've heard these somewhere, but I do have a trip-hammer mind. So, I see or hear something, and one of these pops into my head. Did I make it up? Did I just remember it? I dunno.

Regardless, I feel prolific!

It's a trap

Admiral Akbar just cracks me up. If you're not familiar with this squidly character from the Star Wars movies, he's got one famous line, "it's a trap!" I'm not going to link to the source of this picture, simply because not everything on the site is appropriate, but it really killed me this morning.

Labeling Everything

You can look this up on Snopes to see that it's true and everything.

Clearly this is awesome. Let's all take ourselves less-seriously shall we? The big question I have now is, "How do I apply this kind of thing to the Mirthmobile?"

Thanks to my mom for sending me the ginormous e-mail forward containing the pics.

PDA

Whether Public Display of Affection, or Electronic Organizer (which by the way does not abbreviate to PDA at all) it's not something I think about often. However, today someone mentioned that teenagers use PDAs. Yeah... perhaps not as hip to the mod crowd as they'd hoped.

Here's my first PDA.
Rockin' 64K of storage and weighed about a pound.

New Math

Really?

Seriously.

Men Are Happier People Part 2

Men Are Just Happier People - continued
Again, thanks to my friend Sue for sending this to me.

NICKNAMES
If Sheila, Candy and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Sheila, Candy and Sarah.
If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Bubba and Wildman

EATING OUT
When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in $20, even though it's only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back...
When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.

MONEY
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale.

BATHROOMS
A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel.
The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.

Men Are Happier People

Thanks to my friend Sue for sending this one to me.
Men Are Just Happier People

What do you expect from such simple creatures?
Your last name stays put.
The garage is all yours.
Wedding plans take care of themselves.
Chocolate is just another snack.
You can be President.
You can never be pregnant.
You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.
You can wear NO shirt to a water park.
Car mechanics tell you the truth.
The world is your urinal.
You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this
one is just too icky.


You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
Same work, more pay.
Wrinkles add character.
Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental-$100.
People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.
New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
One mood all the time.
Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
You know stuff about tanks.
A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
You can open all your own jars.
You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.
Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.
Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
You almost never have strap problems in public.
You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes..
Everything on your face stays its original color..
The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
You only have to shave your face and neck.
You can play with toys all your life.
One wallet and one pair of shoes -- one color for all seasons.
You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look..
You can 'do' your nails with a pocket knife.
You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.
You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.

New Amex Ad Bombs

From Homeland Security / Special Operations
On Wednesday, April 6, 2011, members of the Baltimore County Police Department – Hazardous Devices Team responded to a suspicious item received via the mail (USPS). The recipient partially opened the item and observed “wires” which he felt were consistent with an IED. The item was subsequently examined by bomb technicians who determined the item to be a new “American Express” advertisement.

I repeat - NOT A BOMB.

NOT A BOMB! - kinda one of those musical greeting cards... awesome.

Rebuilding

Well I may or may not totally rebuild this blog and all the posts, but for now - the text is available.