Farewell Falwell

Thanks to the Wittenburg Door we have an appropriate look at the late Jerry Falwell.


Too soon?

I'm not even going to comment on the man himself, or his impact - but since God likely has a PERFECT sense of humor, I can't wait to get to heaven and know how he greeted Jerry at the door. I wonder what will meet me at the gate.
What about you?

National Dog Bite Prevention Week

Hurray! it's National Dog Bite Prevention Week again! May 19-26.

National Dog Bite Prevention Week

Are you going to the parade?
Do they have fireworks in your town?
Will the Mayor give a speech?

I can't wait to open my presents!
We're having an egg hunt later on, and everyone is invited. The Turkey is in the oven - with all the trimmings, and I got a bunch of cards already. One from a secret bite preventer.

Every year as the National Dog Bite Prevention Week season approaches, I find myself caught up in the hustle and bustle of so much to do, so much to prepare. No matter how busy we all get, let us not forget the reason for National Dog Bite Prevention Week.

Happy National Dog Bite Prevention Week everyone!

What's So Funny?

A recent conversation with my brother Chris, sister in-law Michele, and their friends Alexandra and Arron led me to the notion that I've never really come up with what I think are the best comedies of all time. The following is a list of my top 10 movie comedies.
What are yours?

1) So I married an Axe Murderer*
2) Blazing Saddles
3) Airplane!
4) Young Frankenstein
5) Caddyshack
6) A Fish Called Wanda
7) The Jerk
8) Ghost Busters
9) The Blues Brothers
10) Best in Show

And just so you know that I'm aware that there are other contenders out there, honorable mentions include:
History of the World Part 1, This is Spinal Tap, Shaun of the Dead, Real Genius, Meatballs, Groundhog Day, Fletch, The Great Dictator, National Lampoon's Animal House, Arthur, Duck Soup, Horse Feathers, City Slickers, Fast Times at Ridgemont High, The Court Jester, The Nutty Professor(Jerry Lewis), Beverly Hills Cop.

And Hot Fuzz - which I'm going to see for the second time Sunday afternoon - and it's only $2.97. See you there!


* Why is this #1? Possibly for this string of dialog alone:

Stuart Mackenzie: Well, it's a well known fact, Sonny Jim, that there's a secret society of the five wealthiest people in the world, known as The Pentavirate, who run everything in the world, including the newspapers, and meet tri-annually at a secret country mansion in Colorado, known as The Meadows.
Tony Giardino: So who's in this Pentavirate?
Stuart Mackenzie: The Queen, The Vatican, The Gettys, The Rothschilds, *and* Colonel Sanders before he went tits up. Oh, I hated the Colonel with is wee *beady* eyes, and that smug look on his face. "Oh, you're gonna buy my chicken! Ohhhhh!"
Charlie Mackenzie: How can you possibly hate the Colonel?
Stuart Mackenzie: Because he puts an addictive chemical in his chicken that makes you crave it fortnightly smart-arse!

I also have a clip in the Wacky archive.

I like it so much that I went on a "So I Married an Axe Murderer" tour of San Francisco recently.

So what about you?

Yahoo! 404

Geek alert.

unfortunate placement of yahoo ad

This Wacky thing of the week contains material that may only be funny to people with an intimate knowledge of internet errors. The rest of you can read the description below, and then look at the picture again.

The 404 error, is displayed when a web page you tried to reach is not found. It's a good idea to come up with a customized 404 error page to help people find what they are looking for when they try to visit an old link or make a typo.

I don't know the author of this picture, but my friend Glenda pointed me to it. Read more

Getting Warmer

Now and then a wacky thing of the week falls out of the newspaper. This one has been forwarded around a bit already, but there are so many awful (wonderful) things about it, I scarcely know where to begin. So let me begin at the beginning. I must pause to thank Morgan, Bethany, Steve and Marty for the forward. I originally received this article as a full page, but chopped it up for presentation.

Dateline April 16, 2007.
Why mention the date? Well in this case I need to point out that the date is recent, it's actually in the current century.

Next we proceed to the article headline. I must mention that there is a typo.



It should read (based on the context of the body of the article) "Daylight exacerbates warming", and not "warning".

Please read the article below in its entirety.



I know what you're thinking. Incredibly, there is someone so confused about the role of government and caught up in conspiracy theories that it firstly seemed plausible that the government's adjustment of daylight savings time could impact global climate or at least the local weather. Secondly, it made them upset enough to write a letter to the Arkansas Democrat Gazette. Finally, the newspaper, having presumably read the letter, not only printed it but messed up the headline.

To the editorial staff of the Arkansas Democrat Gazette, and to Connie M. Meskimen of Hot Springs, Arkansas, I salute you.

Mr. Deity

Wow.
Every now and then, I'm overwhelmed by the creativity of Christian minds trying to bring certain topics into discussion.
Thanks to my friend Mikey - mrdeity.com has my attention this week.
Check out this first video.
And then more if you're interested.

Directions

Google maps have become an indispensable part of how I get around, and to be fair Mapquest (Yahoo!) has some features that make it more desirable from time to time. Sometimes I find that the directions, while practical, are not that useful.

Follow these steps [in order of course]

1. Go to http://maps.google.com/

2. Click on "get directions"

3. Go from "new york" to "paris, france"




4. Scroll down in the directions to number 23

5. Laugh

Thanks to my friend Brenda's friend Claudia for passing this on to her, who in turn passed it on to me.

Shocking

I spent a few days in San Francisco visiting my friends Steve and Amy, and my Aunt Linda and Uncle Bob. Steve and I took the "So I Married an Axe Murderer" tour, stopping at several of the locations used in one of our favorite films.

At one point we stopped at the Musee de Mechanique and played some games. Most of them are antiques and are more like amusements than games per se. We did spend a little extra time on this SHOCKING experience. Steve and I made a video.

And here are some pictures from the Trip

explain this

How do I explain this one?
Let's see, back in '00 my friend Steve moved to San Francisco to work as a software developer. Steve and I worked together at Calvin College for a few years and Steve was instrumental in teaching me a few things about writing web pages, and using photoshop.

How do I explain this?

When Steve set up his web site Steve's Apartment he sent out a challenge to people he knew stating that if you sent him something to put up on his wall, he would do it. He displayed a picture of the blank wall, and as items arrived, he updated the picture.

Not to leave Steve with an empty wall, I sent him a little something. My architect friend Steve printed it on his plotter for me, and helped me with a mailing tube. Steve put it up on his wall and left it there for a couple of months, and then back to the tube where it's remained for the last 7 years. During that time, he changed jobs a few times and now works for Yahoo. He married Amy - a lovely young lady from West Michigan. And today, they make their home, not in an apartment as the web site suggests, but in a house and everything.

And that's where I am now. I'm on vacation in San Francisco to visit Steve and Amy, and my Aunt Linda, and Uncle Bob. Steve and Amy placed this picture and a few other pictures of me on the walls of their guest room. I feel very much like an honored guest. Steve is one of the wackiest guys I know - thanks man.

April Fool

Here at the wacky thing of the week, April 1 is a bit like Christmas. There's just so many jokes you can play on people, people you love of course - keep it fun.

Rumored to have originated with the adoption of the Gregorian calendar that replaced the Julian calendar in 1582, April Fool's Day or All Fool's Day, was formerly celebrated as New Year's Day. It has evolved into its current form through several centuries and influenced by several cultures. Associated with the fun and silliness associated with Spring, practical jokes and pranks are the order of the day. GO!

The following sites should give you some good ideas.

1) Snopes info
2) Top 100 April Fools Day Hoaxes
3) Family Friendly pranks
4) Pranks on websites don't get fooled this year!
5) Google comes clean about it's pigeon-based ranking system. (So much for Search Engine Optimization)
6) Google's latest beta product
7) For some more time-wasting fun, check out some older wacky archives.
8) like this one - should give you some creative ideas.

Approved by John Calvin

Instructions

This is a photo of the pictograph instructions on a restroom hand dryer.

Instructions

I thought of a couple of interpretations, which ones make the most sense to you?


a)
1) rub hands together under warm air until dry.
2) angle vent to dry face

b)
1) rub hands together under warm air until dry.
2) insert hand into vent and pull down to bake your head

c)
1) rub hands together under warm air until dry.
2) insert hand directly into fan blades to cover face with blood

Mullet fever

Call it what you will, Hockey Hair, The El Camino, Superman's Cape, or the Nashville Bi-level, at the end of the day, a Mullet is what you've got. Business on top, party in the back.

Mullet fever

I spotted these the other day at a local diner. You can be sure I'll return for seconds!

I'll admit I had one in varying degrees from 1983 until about 1996, possibly longer. At the time I thought I was pretty cool. Now, I look at these and want to go back in time with a pair of scissors and a warning. Oh younger Brian, I have so much to teach you.

Did anyone else see the short-lived TV show?

SPAM-A-RIFFIC

You get SPAM. I get SPAM. We all do - and hopefully you have your spam filter set to accept email from me. This week I'm delighting in the top ten recent wacky subject lines from my filter.

1. load bearing light bulb
2. linguistic cheese wheel
3. they always catch the second one
4. mysticism commando
5. clinician unassuming
6. transfusable congressional
   
7. kneecap bicentennial
8. gloom liqueur
9. country music
10. what do you mean your system has exceptionally durable rubber feet?

What are some of your favorites?

Censorship Can Be Fun

Oh Noooooo!
Oh yes, censorship can be fun!

In the olden days of Saturday Night Live, there was a little man made of Play-dough. His name was Mr. Bill. Every Saturday night, Mr. Bill, Mr. Bill's dog Spot, and the always helpful Mr. Hands would share an adventure. Usually Mr. Sluggo would join in and despite Mr. Bill's protests that Mr. Sluggo was not his friend and that Mr. Sluggo would be mean to him, Mr. Hands would carry on like a vengeful god exacting retribution for some unknown offense.

Invariably, Mr. Bill would meet some horrible fate along with his trademark cry, in a high falsetto, "Oh NOOOOOOooooooo!"

The plucky little puppet would return again next week for another episode of what could be termed, "Disasterpiece Theater". At the time, some felt that the weekly demise of Mr. Bill was too violent, even for the not-ready-for-primetime-players, and a bit of a fuss was made. For those of you not old enough to remember, it was quickly dismissed.

However time passes, and old wounds do not always heal. I give you the parental control versions of Mr. Bill. It encapsulates all the episodes of Mr. Bill - edited for the children of parents who are afraid of what their children might do if they were subjected to images of violence upon clay figures. All the violent acts have been replaced with images of happy, cheerful, warm, fuzzy things.

G rated Mr. Bill
Please note that this is about a 47 minute video, so it can take quite a while to view. I do not recommend watching it all in one sitting.

Fun with Search Engine Optimization

From time to time I teach classes on "search engine optimization". I know what you're thinking, "could Brian get any dorkier?" The answer to that question is of course, "YES! - oh sweet fancy Moses, Yes!" If you've ever taken one of my classes, you know that "click here" is a serious no-no. You've learned some fun tricks, do's and don'ts and hopefully you were entertained.

Search Engine Optimization is the process by which you use all the right code, words, and ads on your web page to bring your page to the top of the search page when someone searches for particular words.

Sometimes things don't work out the way you want to, but I have a feeling the fine folks at albinoblacksheep.com meant these results to come out just the way they did.

You can try this yourself.
1) Go to Google.
2) type "french military victories" in the search window
3) click the "I'm feeling lucky" button (brings you to the first search result)
4) giggle

Or - just 'click here'

Thanks Brian

Screaming Navel Fluff

This week: Screaming Navel Fluff

The Wilhelm Scream - thanks Steve.
It's incredible, you hear the scream in movies and on TV, but it's absolutely amazing how often that old sound effect gets used. It's everywhere!

The world's largest collection of navel fluff. Seriously, this guy collected his navel lint... for years.